The Camellia Blossom

The flower shown (Google Images) is one of several hundred varieties of Camellia. It is a treasured plant in Japan for its resilience, even in winter when nothing would be expected to blossom and thrive.

In Japanese culture, your birth name is more than status or heritage; it signifies your fate. Fitting to be named after such noble flowers, those who carry “Tsubaki” are masters of surviving what the world has to offer.

The truth is that the world, much like the coming spring, is often without empathy. The snow melts and slushes into the mud, obscuring the beauty of such a fine flower. Come summer, the grass blooms again, and many say to the Camellia, “what an ordinary flower.”

I, much like that mired vision of beauty and grace, have always thought of myself as different, a splash of colour on a blank canvas: passionate without end, an excellent self-advocate, and with limitless potential. However, that same blessing is not without its own curse.

My father took his own life the week of my high school graduation. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but a decade later, I know I have lost one of my greatest friends in this world.

I am grateful to have that relationship now, connecting with him as a source of encouragement and wisdom. He was brilliant, working as an IT Specialist for Demandware. Were he still alive, I’d have asked him so many things and shared just as many.

With his inspiration, I have worked the Twelve Steps of Dual Recovery Anonymous and become a Sponsor.

The Steps keep me healthy by reminding me of my assets (good) and liabilities (things to work on).

For example, I vibe well with other people and enjoy sharing my lived experience. At the same time, I find that I resonate with people so well that I forget myself sometimes. The wonderful thing about recovery is working it, again and again, constantly improving every day.

When that same Camellia blossom buds again in fall, it is a majesty to behold. The purpose of doing a personal inventory is not to point out the negatives but to shine upon the changes needed in my life. I am always powerless over my addiction, and that realization is the key to life-long recovery. My Higher Power of my own definition is there to guide me.